Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
