But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize