I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
