Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
