My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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