My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
