guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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