Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she told me i tasted like america
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
