didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize