I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
