The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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