I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
