I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
