i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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