Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
