we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize