nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
