Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
