Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
