I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
