You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
