Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
