I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
