So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
