hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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