don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize