He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
