My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
