you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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