six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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