I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
