halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk is not a location!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
