I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
