When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
