i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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