I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
