Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
