all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
