Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
