Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
