apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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