you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
