Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
