I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
