I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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