Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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