dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize