i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
