FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
