you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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