I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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