my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
