If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
