Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I cannot find my penis.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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