I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize