last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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