I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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