i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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