tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you're hired as official boob wrangler
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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