i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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