He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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