check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
