they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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