She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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