I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
