Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
